{"id":144,"date":"2009-05-13T12:55:20","date_gmt":"2009-05-13T18:55:20","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.myheroesathome.com\/blog\/?p=144"},"modified":"2009-05-13T13:13:30","modified_gmt":"2009-05-13T19:13:30","slug":"fight-deployment-anger-not-your-spouse","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.myheroesathome.com\/blog\/2009\/05\/fight-deployment-anger-not-your-spouse\/","title":{"rendered":"Fight Deployment Anger – not Your Spouse!"},"content":{"rendered":"

Here’s a great Article from Military Spouse Magazine online<\/a>.
\n(I am also a subscriber to this magazine, and I love it! Lots of helpful information and tips – especially for deployment!)<\/p>\n

Why do you feel angry before a deployment?<\/strong>
\nby Whitney Bailey<\/p>\n

If you\u2019ve gone through a deployment, you are probably familiar with the cycle of emotions as your spouse\u2019s departure draws near. Apprehension, sadness, depression and \u2026 anger? Sometimes that anger can catch us by surprise, but if you become angry over an upcoming deployment, know that you are not alone. Anger is a very common response, whether it\u2019s directed towards terrorists, the military, or even your own spouse. But why do we get so angry, and how can we learn to control it?<\/p>\n

Loss of Control<\/strong>
\nMany psychologists believe that a loss of control is directly related to two emotions: anger and depression. Don\u2019t these sound familiar? We have so much control over what we do in life these days. We choose our college, our career, our spouse, and often where we live. Since a deployment can take away that sense of control, anger is often the inevitable next step.<\/p>\n

To let go of this type of anger, first recognize what you can and can\u2019t control. You can\u2019t hide your spouse in the closet and you can\u2019t bring about world peace. Your spouse has a job to do and sometimes life isn\u2019t \u201cfair.\u201d Once you accept the fact that you can\u2019t control the situation, learn instead to control your response. <\/p>\n

A few days after my husband left for his deployment, our gas grill blew over, sending glass shards scattered across the patio. I called him in anger. \u201cHow could you let this happen?\u201d I spit out in frustration. Was I really mad at my husband for not securing the grill? No, but I was scared because I couldn\u2019t lift it back in place by myself and I suddenly had a backyard full of glass. Instead of reacting to a situation I could not control with anger, I should have instead chosen to control my reaction towards my husband. <\/p>\n

Sometimes Fear and Anger are the Same<\/strong>
\nWhen I find a spider in the bathtub, my first reaction is one of anger. \u201cAhhh! I hate spiders!\u201d I\u2019ll shudder as I search frantically for a very long stick with which to kill it. Of course, I don\u2019t actually hate spiders, I\u2019m just knee-knockingly afraid of them. My anger is really just a mask for the fear that\u2019s behind it.<\/p>\n

Our anger at a spouse over leaving for a deployment can often be that same mask. The night before my husband departed for a 15-month deployment, I lashed out at him, accusing him of leaving me all alone. Despite my vitriol-laced tirade, I was not angry \u2013 I was petrified of being on my own. <\/p>\n

Recognizing that your anger is really fear can be the first step towards letting it go. If you realize you\u2019re afraid, not angry, you can learn ways to address that fear. Are you scared of sleeping alone at night? Take additional security measures and get a dog if it will give you peace of mind. Will you worry about your spouse if you don\u2019t hear from him every day? Speak with him about your fear and set realistic expectations for how often he will contact you. Anger can be a difficult emotion to manage, but fear can be an easy one to control if you recognize it for what it is.<\/p>\n

You\u2019re in Control<\/strong>
\nDon\u2019t let your anger control you and avoid the pitfalls an ugly attitude can bring. You are not the only spouse who has gotten angry over a deployment, but how you deal with that anger can affect those around you. Accusing your spouse of leaving you in the lurch can leave him feeling anxious and distracted as he enters a potentially dangerous area. Telling your children that the military is making daddy do something he doesn\u2019t want to do can pass your anger along to them. Realize that anger is contagious and don\u2019t let it spread. Share your fears, frustrations, anxiety and of course, anger, on the MilSPOUSE.com message boards and help other spouses control that nasty emotion.<\/p>\n

Read more about Katie’s Deployment Anger<\/a>.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Here’s a great Article from Military Spouse Magazine online. (I am also a subscriber to this magazine, and I love it! Lots of helpful information and tips – especially for deployment!) Why do you feel angry before a deployment? by Whitney Bailey If you\u2019ve gone through a deployment, you are probably familiar with the cycle […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[8,11,15],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-144","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-communication","category-pre-deployment","category-relationship-changes"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.myheroesathome.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/144","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.myheroesathome.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.myheroesathome.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.myheroesathome.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.myheroesathome.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=144"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.myheroesathome.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/144\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.myheroesathome.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=144"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.myheroesathome.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=144"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.myheroesathome.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=144"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}