I have seen some Veterans Day cards at retailers like CVS and Walgreen’s, but every year the cards continue to look the same and their little space on the rack never seems to grow. That is certainly not the case with Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, Sweetest Day, Grandparents Day and on and on. Apparently the greeting card manufacturers and retailers haven’t determined a way to capitalize, and by that I mean dollars, on this special day and I certainly hope it stays that way.

Commercializing this day would only take away from its true meaning and the raw reality of war. Our veterans face things we civilians cannot even begin to comprehend and the sacrifice veterans and their families make is truly amazing. As a Marine Corps wife, I understand that first hand.

So I ask greeting card manufacturers, florists, candy companies, retailers, etc. to continue to leave Veterans Day alone and let us honor our veterans with raw emotion and gratitude they deserve.

Americans must recognize the sacrifices and struggles of today’s troops and their families and work harder to reintegrate them into their communities, the nation’s top military officer said yesterday.

The past nine years of war and multiple combat deployments have stressed the force, leaving in their wake veterans and families who return home only to have to start putting their lives back together, Navy Adm. Mike Mullen, chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, said at a USO Gala in Chicago.

“These years of battle have steeled them for an uncertain future, because when our men and women come home, the battle doesn’t end,” Mullen said. “Quite frankly, for many it’s just the beginning.”

Mullen told the audience that one of the reasons he and his wife travel the country speaking at local events is to keep America connected to its troops. He said that many Americans don’t realize what the troops and families go through to serve in the military, nor do they realize the value they bring to their communities when they return home.

“We have to recognize our veterans and their families for what they are: not a burden, but an opportunity,” he said. “They are talented, skilled leaders who have so much to offer and contribute to their communities, not only during their military service, but throughout their entire lives.

“I truly believe that today’s returning warriors and their families are the next great generation,” Mullen said.

Mullen hailed the efforts of the USO and other organizations who have mobilized to provide community-based support for veterans and families. Still, he said, more needs to be done.

“Even with all the generosity and good will, too many veterans and military families still struggle to receive all the support they need,” he said.

Returning troops and veterans often struggle with physical and mental injuries, anxiety and depression, he said. Their family dynamics are changed by the challenges of post-traumatic stress.

Mullen said some veterans find it difficult to translate their military experience into viable jobs and careers, noting that the job search is made even more difficult during a struggling economy. The homelessness rates among today’s veterans are rising past those of Vietnam veterans, he said, and too many veterans consider suicide an option.

“Not a day goes by that I don’t think about the pressures on these young men and women and the sacrifices of their families — challenges that all of us must help them shoulder as they have already shouldered such burdens for us,” the chairman said.

And it’s not just the returning veterans who need community support, Mullen noted. The families of servicemembers killed in combat also need help. “Not a moment goes by that I don’t think about the families of those who have paid the ultimate sacrifice,” he said.

The USO and communities play a vital role in tapping into the skills of veterans, the admiral said, mobilizing support for families and helping to build resilience against visible and invisible wounds of war.

He recalled his time aboard ship as a young naval officer, and said that at each port he would seek out the familiar USO sign.

“It seemed as though the USO was always there — everywhere and anywhere,” he said. “It felt as though the USO volunteers were not just serving us — they were serving alongside us.”

But for all of the comforts it provides to troops overseas, it is the connection at home that makes the group most valuable, Mullen said.

“It isn’t just a taste of home that you provide. … It’s a sense of appreciation,” he said. “It’s knowing that the people you fight for back home are fighting for you too.”

Read the original story here.

Most serious competitors sweating through Bay area triathlons and road races do so stripped down to the latest in featherweight shorts and hyperlight shoes.

Not Dianne Villano.

She pulls on U.S. Marine Corps combat boots and camouflage utilities - boots ‘n’ utes - a regulation pack and sometimes a helmet. Just 5-foot-2 and 110 pounds, the 42-year-old dons about 20 pounds of extra weight to run and bicycle for miles through the heat.

The final ounces consist of laminated snapshots of Marines. Most are the faces of men and women killed in Iraq and Afghanistan; some are still fighting there. Many of the photographs change with every race, as more soldiers fall. They cover her pants legs, her backpack, her helmet.

“I don’t know if I would recommend it for anyone else,” says Chris Lauber, who promotes half-marathons throughout Pinellas County. “But she sure is getting her message across.”

Villano’s race wear promotes her charity, Support Our Marines Inc., based in St. Pete Beach. Its sole function is to send care packages to remotely deployed Marines. But her gear and the photos also serve a greater purpose: to remind Americans at home of the deprivations and danger endured every day by those soldiers.

“We’re loving our sport, out here enjoying everything and worrying about whether there’s enough oranges at the rest stops,” she says. “These guys are doing this 12 to 18 hours a day, sometimes on one MRE (meal ready to eat) a day. It just puts things into perspective.”

Villano launched her nonprofit in 2007. A year later, a Marine who had just lost his foot in combat sent word to her.

“This kid - 21 years old and four days out from losing his foot - the first words out of his mouth were ‘Miss Villano, I just wanted to thank you for the packages you sent while we were in country.’ The second comment was, ‘Don’t you worry, I’m not letting my team down. As soon as I get fitted with my prosthetic, I’m going back over.’

“I’m sitting there trying not to cry, because I was just so humbled speaking to this young man.”

Villano wanted to express a commensurate amount of appreciation for his commitment. She saw how while watching a marathon: A Clearwater firefighter ran it in full gear to raise money for the family of a fallen comrade.

Pictures perfect

Though she’s a personal fitness trainer, Villano had not run more than a mile in her life. But she signed up for a triathlon - a 1.5-kilometer swim, 40-kilometer bike ride and 10-kilometer run. With only six weeks to prepare, she finished the Top Gun Triathlon in August 2008 complete with 15-pound pack, full utilities, boots and helmet.

“It is actually the race about which I am most proud,” she says. “It was August, and five or six people had to be taken away for heat-related issues.

“I thought it was going to be one and done. Do it, send him the pictures and be done. But the response I got from people on course noticing me, and the Marines themselves seeing the pictures, was kind of overwhelming.”

So much so that Villano dedicated herself to more races, in the Bay area and beyond, wearing her boots ‘n’ utes and photos of Marines at every one.

“Last year I did 20 races for just short of 200 miles. Since that didn’t kill me, I thought I would have a bigger impact and go for 300 miles and around 35 races this year,” she says.

Some races are dedicated to a particular soldier, some to a unit. At every race, someone hands Villano a Marine Corps flag as she nears the finish line and she crosses with it outstretched before her.

She dedicated St. Anthony’s Triathlon in April 2009 to Sgt. Lea Mills of Brooksville, killed in combat in Anbar Province, Iraq, on April 28, 2006. Mills’ mother, Delores, was at the St. Petersburg race to hand Villano the flag.

At the Grand Prix 5K in St. Petersburg in March 2010, the spectators included Luciano Macias Jr., wounded in Fallujah in 2004. Villano ran that race wearing photos of two of his friends who died in that battle.

When several broken toes kept her from handling all the events of one triathlon herself, she formed Team Tri’ing to Raise Money for Our Grunts. She took the running portion, wearing a sneaker cut to accommodate her injured toes, and partnered with other racers on the bike and swim events. The group now has a Facebook fan page (search “for our grunts” at www.facebook.com) and aims to have a representative in every state.

“The running community and the tri community in this area, once they got past the ‘what the hell?’ moment, has embraced me immeasurably,” says Villano. “It’s very heartwarming.”

Race directors have donated more than $1,000 in race fees, and the attention she attracts prompts donations. The money goes to purchase care package supplies and to mail the boxes - postage alone runs about $600 a month.

“It’s a win-win. It’s a great way to honor our warriors, it’s a great way to raise money, and it’s a great way to raise awareness of what our service members endure.”

Motivating force

Villano has no personal connection to the military - no son, no daughter, no parent or significant other has fought in Iraq or Afghanistan. But she’s keenly, and personally, aware of just how threatening the world can be.

On Sept. 11, 2001, her fiance was in New York, in the World Trade Center. She was on the phone with him when a passenger jet crashed into the building. Along with nearly 3,000 other victims in New York, Washington and Pennsylvania, her fiance died that day. And like many relatives and friends of the victims, she spent a great deal of time in the city during the weeks that followed, surrounded by the powerful aura of death and despair.

When the United States invaded Afghanistan, and later Iraq, Villano supported various troop organizations with the random check.

“Like a lot of people, as soon as I finished writing the check I didn’t think about the war at all,” she admits.

Then one day she came across a website where Marines described the conditions under which they were fighting, and, more to the point, what they needed to keep going. They didn’t ask for luxuries or fun diversions. Instead, they wanted things like mustard to make their MREs go down easier; baby wipes to combat weeks without a shower; a fresh pair of socks to prevent blisters; or just a reminder that someone back home still cared.

No longer could Villano not think about the war, or the young men and women fighting.

“The whole thing started with some random boxes to some cold Marines on the Syrian border back in 2005,” says Villano. “It just kind of grew from there. They sent some letters and pictures, and I sent them to everyone that had donated stuff, which really motivated the donors. They got more people involved. Four years and 4,600 boxes later, here we are.”

Each week, Villano and her volunteers continue to pack and ship 10 to 15 boxes to the most remotely deployed soldiers in the U.S. military. Nearly 5,000 boxes have gone out. In each one is a self-addressed, stamped postcard that asks the recipients to tell the organization what they need. And the occasional photograph of a petite blonde, running a race in combat gear, so that those at home won’t forget them.

“That’s why I race, to raise awareness,” says Villano. “Obviously, it’s not about (getting a good race) time … This year, the goal is to place higher than the bottom five.

“The amount of letters I get back saying you brought a smile to some very war-weary and down Marines, that just makes it worth it. It’s really changed my life.”

Read the full story here.

Two weeks ago I busted my chin up in a firefight in Afghanistan’s Kunar Province, today I’m writing this blog from a cubicle in Washington.

Transitioning from a combat zone back to normalcy can be hard and unpredictable.

I’m not writing about Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, I’m writing about the transition from combat to a more standard military life, and I’m writing only about my experiences.

After many months deployed, it came down to what seemed to be a rushed transition. I was in Afghanistan one day and Washington the next.

Decompression time did not exist, nor did the time to simply allow my mind to register the fact that I’m no longer in a combat zone. Even the ride home from the airport was off-putting and weird. I spent much of my deployment wishing I was home, however, when I finally got back, It no longer felt like home and I still don’t enjoy it. I would be more comfortable and at ease in Afghanistan.

The sights and sounds can drive me crazy, so loud and so busy. I got to a point in combat where I was focused on every sight, sound and smell without realizing it. The normal craziness of DC is too much for me to digest and process. I want to yell at everyone to stop moving and let me register my surroundings.

I deployed as an individual augment and not with a full unit, which I believe makes the transition harder. I went to Afghanistan on my own and returned alone. I don’t have a core group of guys to talk to about the deployment and shared experiences. I tend to walk around in a daze. I’ve had trouble focusing at work; my mind drifts off to combat related memories or horrors.

I’ve struggled with vivid nightmares and dreams since I returned, even as I write this, certain memories pop in my head. I get angered much easier than before I left. I don’t like people walking behind me, I find myself slowing down to let them pass or just turning around to put eyes on what’s going on. I like sitting where I can see the door or lookout a window.

I was out for dinner my first full day back and a helicopter flew by, I began looking around for my weapon, kevlar and flak jacket because my mind was certain the bird was landing and I needed to get on it. Just a few days ago I was at a funeral and when the 21 gun salute began, I jumped to the sky and then just about hit the deck. It’s these sights, sounds and dreams that play with my head.

I did sit down with a counselor a few days ago, and if my problems remain over the next few months then maybe I have longer term issues to deal with. I don’t think this will be the case, I think it’s natural to feel this way immediately after returning.

I did a video blog while I was deployed, so my family could see me, know I was ok, and see what I was doing. However, before too long, the blog became my escape — my way to talk about my experiences and ease my own mind.

In my two weeks back I found just talking openly about these issues can go a long way and remind you that you’re not alone. Many, many Marines have deployed and dealt with what I am dealing with now. Ways to deal with these emotions and feelings vary individual to individual. The gym has been a place of refuge for me. No one talks to me, no one bothers me, I can just escape and let my frustration out.

I would strongly urge any service member dealing with similar feelings to be open. Talk to people about the way you feel, and find activities that help you, whether it’s the gym or just hanging around friends. Don’t try and get through it on your own.

Read the original post here.

I check message boards, the news, the battalion’s web site and his unit’s Facebook page that one of the wives started. I have even gone as far as to set up Google news alerts for his battalion so I can get up to the minute information.

Around noon everyday I check my email account religiously for an update. Even if the email says… too busy to write… I’m still happy. All I want to know is that he is okay and has gotten through another day.

Unlike past deployments we don’t get to use Skype, but I’m just thankful I get emails and a weekly phone call. He is usually really good about telling me that he isn’t going to call or email for a few days when he is busy, which certainly helps reduce my stress level.

Even though this has become somewhat of an obsession of mine, I’m grateful for this thing called the Internet that has made deployments a bit more bearable.

MORGANTOWN, W.Va. — A West Virginia innkeeper who started letting military families stay free for Veterans Day in 2008 has recruited 400 inns across the U.S. and Canada as part of an initiative to offer free rooms this fall.

B&Bs for Vets is a way to thank active and retired military members for their service and to raise awareness of the bed-and-breakfast industry, said Kathleen Panek, who runs the Gillum House in Shinnston.

“People don’t understand that a bed and breakfast is about the warm and fuzzy feeling the innkeeper gets and a good experience for the guests,” she said. “Because we sure aren’t in it for the money.”

As of Tuesday morning, nearly 400 independently owned inns, including five in Canada, had signed on to offer free rooms Nov. 10, the night before Veterans Day. Most of the establishments are small: The average size of a bed-and-breakfast in the U.S. is five or six rooms, according to an industry group. Some participants can spare just a single room, while The Colonial Inn in Smithville, N.J., is offering 20 of its 24.

A valid military or Veterans Administration ID is required for each reservation.

“I only ask for one room because let’s face it: It’s an expense, a loss of revenue, and we’re not looking to bankrupt anybody,” said Panek, a 64-year-old Brooke County native who opened the Gillum House in 1996 after leaving a data processing job in Illinois.

Panek’s first Veterans Day guest was a young Navy officer visiting in-laws in Fairmont. Last year, she hosted a National Guardsman and his wife, and the West Virginia B&B Association embraced her idea. Ten inns made a total of 23 rooms available.

This past January, Panek went to a conference of the Professional Association of Innkeepers International. A speaker asked the crowd why more people don’t visit B&Bs.

“‘Never thought of it.’ That was the answer,” Panek said. “I thought, ‘I don’t want to ever have that be said again.’”

Panek, whose grandson in the Navy is serving in Afghanistan, decided her personal expression of gratitude could also be good for business.

“But the main object is to say thank you to the veterans,” she said.

Jay Karen, president and chief executive of the New Jersey-based association for independent, mostly small inns, said a 2009 survey with TripAdvisor.com showed more than 50 percent of travelers said it had never crossed their minds to stay at a B&B, and the industry is now trying a variety of approaches to raise its profile.

But Panek’s idea, which predates the survey, came from “the goodness of her heart,” he said.

“The germination of this didn’t come as a way to get more exposure for the industry. That may be a wonderful byproduct but it wasn’t the reason,” he said.

It’s easy for a chain hotel — where properties often have more than 100 rooms — to offer free accommodations for veterans, Karen said, but for a tiny inn, “when you’re giving up a room, it’s a huge commitment.”

Many innkeepers are ex-military, including 20-year Army veteran Jess Beaty, who is making two rooms available at the 5 Continents Bed and Breakfast in New Orleans, La.

“I commanded a unit three times, and I just feel very strongly we should take care of the troops,” said Beaty, who offers discounts to veterans year-round.

But Martin Ramirez — who owns the Historic Mankin Mansion in Richmond, Va., with wife Paula, and relies mainly on weddings to fill three suites and two cottages — has no direct link to the military.

“We’re not veterans ourselves, but we appreciate all the things they’ve done for us and all the privileges we have here,” he said. “It seems a small thing to do for all they’ve done for us.”

Walt and Jean Hylander, who own Rosswood Plantation in Lorman, Miss., have taken Panek’s idea a step further, providing free accommodations in their four-room inn to active service members year-round

Walt Hylander is a West Point graduate who spent 29 years in the Army and earned a Silver Star for his service during the 1968 Tet Offensive in Vietnam. “I know about the military life. I appreciate the soldiers, and I also appreciate the military wives and children. They make sacrifices, too,” Jean Hylander said.

“I love the Army, and when you’re in the military, they really are like family,” she said.

View the original article here.

By Gretel C. Kovach, Sign On San Diego

MARJAH, Afghanistan — Sgt. Vanessa Jones and her teammates filed through the countryside with a squad of U.S. infantrymen and Afghan troops. They pushed through tall grass and leaped over canals, spilling into fields of sunflowers and the emerald spikes of marijuana plants rustling above their helmets. Then they waited, tucked into a ridge of dirt, while fellow Marines checked on a bomb dug into the road.

Jones and her partner, Lance Cpl. Yvonne Blanco, were among a group of 40 volunteers who deployed to Afghanistan this spring to serve as Female Engagement Teams, a detachment organized by the 1st Marine Expeditionary Force at Camp Pendleton.

The new teams were sent to the highly segregated Pashtun south of the country to connect with the female half of the population that is inaccessible to male Marines, to assess their needs, convey information, perform security searches, and whenever possible, win the support of Afghan mothers and daughters.

The Marines knew it would be a tough assignment. Keeping up with the all-male infantry units is perhaps the least of their many obstacles. Jones and Blanco’s first patrol in Marjah, one of the most hostile areas of the Taliban heartland for U.S. and NATO forces, underscored the challenge.

After two hours of walking, the Marines saw many men and boys, but no women. Except for a shrouded passenger on the back of a motorcycle who passed in a blur of billowing fabric.

“It’s a slow process,” said Capt. Emily Naslund, the officer in charge of the teams. “If you keep returning, maybe weeks or months later they might open up.”

The engagement teams grew out of the Lioness program in Iraq, when female soldiers and Marines were used largely in a search capacity to protect the privacy of local women. Now the teams are spread across 16 locations in Helmand Province.

Their experiences and results vary greatly by team, depending on the level of combat in the area, the reception of village leaders or heads of households, and even their U.S. military commanders.

At their best, the female teams have been able to help women start their own businesses sewing and making handicrafts, particularly among widows, and to host clinics flocked with women seeking basic medical care. In those areas, village elders vie among themselves for the work of the female teams and Afghan men sometimes share information with them that they are reluctant to divulge to male Marines, commanders said.

“We soften the conversation,” said Staff Sgt. Nela Gomez.

As the teams’ seven-month tour draws to a close, their replacements are training for the battlefield, and NATO regional commands throughout Afghanistan have instituted similar programs. But the female teams are still finding their footing.

Some infantry commanders were reluctant initially to let female Marines leave base. Several of the teams have bounced from battalion to battalion, starting over each time in the struggle to gain the respect of American infantrymen, then Afghan men who act as gatekeepers to the women, and finally the women themselves.

Jones found a potential opening into the hidden world of Marjah’s women at the bazaar. As she bantered with a group of boys, who told her they most certainly did not want their sisters to attend school, three little girls studied her from afar.

“I am a girl!” Jones yelled, speaking in Pashto. (In her combat gear it wasn’t obvious.) “Are you a girl, too?”

“Yes!” the smallest shouted. Then she looked around to see if anyone heard and jumped to hide behind her brother, smiling sheepishly.

It was a good start, Jones reported back at Combat Outpost Reilly. They had distributed information about schools and other services in the area, and the children might eventually lead them to their mothers.

But Lance Cpl. Jacob Vineyard told the squad he was concerned about balancing engagement with safety: “Talking to the kids, it’s not a good idea in an open field to stand there with that many people for so long. We can only pull so much security for so long.”

The female teams have grappled with pressures from the homefront as well, among those who feel women should not work in areas exposing them to ground combat. When the perennial issue boiled over on Capitol Hill this summer, the female teams were recalled to the rear for a two-week operational pause.

Out in the field, the women Marines are limited by the dearth of female translators who can withstand the rigors of life on remote patrol bases, with Afghan men who insist on speaking for their wives, and doors that remain perennially closed to them.

But the potential payoff for their persistence is great, Naslund said. “In the long run, if they’re supporting us they’re not supporting the Taliban.”

The Golf Company commander, Capt. Daniel Nilsson, had requested a female team for his area. He hopes they will better engage both men and women, opening a dialogue and “a different dimension between the local populace and the Marines that are here.”

Heaven is at the feet of the mother in this part of the world, said Maj. Dallas Shaw, the battalion operations officer. “There is key physical terrain – roads, mountains. But there is also key human terrain. You can stand on key physical terrain all day and still lose. The key in the home is the mother.”

The U.S. counterinsurgency manual, citing influential Australian strategist David Kilcullen, says, “In traditional societies, women are hugely influential in forming the social networks that insurgents use for support.

“Co-opting neutral or friendly women through targeted social and economic programs builds networks of enlightened self-interest that eventually undermine insurgents.”

By that parameter, victory in Afghanistan will be measured in simple things, Jones said: “Simple for us but difficult for them in this place and these times,” like boys and girls going to school, and women free to walk without an escort or own their own shops.

“What we are doing is going to help get there, but sometimes it seems like it’s going to take years to do this, not whenever we’re slated to pull out,” she said. In the end Afghans will be responsible for winning: “We are just showing them the way.”

In another area of northern Marjah, a little boy sitting along a canal recognized the black spectacles and tight blond bun wrapped beneath a Marine’s helmet. “Mariam!” he called, using Cpl. Kathryn Mannion’s Afghan nickname.

After a month in that locale, Mannion and Lance Cpl. Sharhonda Jones have a good rapport with the men of Echo Company. Their commander, Capt. Chuck Anklam, sends the female team out with the infantrymen several times a week.

At the bazaar’s flour mill, Mannion stopped to chat with a group of men and children. “Do you know any women here who can sew?” she asked one gentleman. “In the coming weeks we hope to get some sewing machines and I’d like to give them to people who need them.”

The man she spoke to shook her hand and seemed open to the idea. He agreed to discuss it again when the machines arrived.

A 10-year-old boy named Azadoo asked Mannion for one of the plastic bracelets he knew she kept in her pack. “I will give it to my sister,” he said, trying it on for size. Then the men drove away, the boys perched behind the tractor on sacks of fresh-milled flour, and the Marines walked home.

Find this article at:
http://www.signonsandiego.com/news/2010/sep/19/women-marines-new-weapon-afghanistan

_________________________________________________________________________________________________

By Georgie Hanlin, NPR

Members of the Army’s 1st Battalion, 17th Infantry Regiment returned home to Joint Base Lewis-McChord, Wash., this summer after a yearlong deployment to Afghanistan’s Kandahar province. During its deployment, the battalion suffered some of the highest casualties of the war. NPR’s Tom Bowman and Graham Smith reported on the death of two soldiers in a roadside bomb attack last fall.

Commentator Georgie Hanlin is a writer and a teacher in Tacoma, Wash. She is married to Capt. Max Hanlin, a company commander with the 1st Battalion’s 5th Stryker Brigade, 2nd Infantry Division. He has been deployed six times, to both Iraq and Afghanistan. They were reunited in July.

I stood in the packed gymnasium, in a crowd of anxious spouses, children and relatives. There were “Welcome Home” banners on the walls, flags on the strollers and “We Missed You” signs ready to be waved the second the soldiers walked into the room. Little girls in red, white and blue tutus were running around with youngsters who had American flags painted on their cheeks, all of them eagerly awaiting their soldiers’ return.

I was still overcome by the relief I felt when I knew my husband had left combat. Now, on a large screen, I saw his plane land and the soldiers descend. Some looked tired, others wore enormous smiles. I wondered how I would find my husband among the almost 300 uniforms returning that night. Once they were officially welcomed home by the post’s general, they broke out of formation and charged the crowd. I watched many other happy reunions en route to my own. During a year separated by war, this moment was what had kept many of us going — both soldiers and spouses. My husband looked younger, perhaps because he was thinner. I laughed to myself, because I feel like I aged 20 years while he was away.

Whenever my husband returns from overseas, at the beginning, it’s like we’re on an awkward first date. We’ll start talking to each other at the exact same time. We try to catch up on a year’s worth of happenings that the rushed phone calls never quite covered. Then, after a little while, all feels normal again.

This time, I reintroduced our son to his father. The last time my husband held him, he was just a baby. Now he’s a toddler who refers to himself as a “big boy,” and my husband marvels at how much he has grown. It’s both sweet and heartbreaking at the same time.

After four years as an Army wife during Operation Iraqi Freedom and Operation Enduring Freedom, I haven’t found that it gets easier. There’s always worry because of the danger and loneliness from the separation, along with many other complex emotions. That evening at the gym, I was told there were Gold Star families in the crowd — families who had lost their soldiers in combat. I wondered, if my husband had been killed, would I have been brave enough to greet the soldiers with whom he was supposed to return?

A soldier’s spouse never loses sight of life’s fragility. Even after the deployments end, you look at things differently. The complexities of war are part of you now. That can be excruciatingly difficult sometimes. But it also gives you perspective. And strength.

Read the original story at http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=129909819.

I had to give the dreaded answer that he was deployed again. She was sympathetic as I explained where Mike was this time and how this deployment was a bit more nerve racking than the rest. Susan immediately said she had something for me to send in my next package to Mike.

A few days later she brought me three crosses made from bullets that she had ordered from Liberia and Psalm 91 printed on a sheet of paper with a short note to Mike. She was honored and proud to be able to pass these along to the Marines, like it was her duty as an American.

She also said something that has stuck in my mind and while on paper it might seem all twisted and wrong, it has given me some peace. She said something like God will not bring anyone into his kingdom before he has planned to. It helped me see who is really in charge here and that it isn’t the enemy’s decision, it’s a greater power.

Reading Psalm 91 and sending Mike the crosses also gave me peace. It made me realize that all we can do is pray and  everything else is in God’s hands. No matter how much you worry, how much sleep you lose, or how many tears you shed, it will not change the outcome.

May God bless and protect our troops.

Psalm 91
1 He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High
will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. [1]
2 I will say [2] of the LORD , “He is my refuge and my fortress,
my God, in whom I trust.”

3 Surely he will save you from the fowler’s snare
and from the deadly pestilence.
4 He will cover you with his feathers,
and under his wings you will find refuge;
his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.
5 You will not fear the terror of night,
nor the arrow that flies by day,
6 nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness,
nor the plague that destroys at midday.
7 A thousand may fall at your side,
ten thousand at your right hand,
but it will not come near you.
8 You will only observe with your eyes
and see the punishment of the wicked.

9 If you make the Most High your dwelling-
even the LORD , who is my refuge-
10 then no harm will befall you,
no disaster will come near your tent.
11 For he will command his angels concerning you
to guard you in all your ways;
12 they will lift you up in their hands,
so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.
13 You will tread upon the lion and the cobra;
you will trample the great lion and the serpent.

14 “Because he loves me,” says the LORD , “I will rescue him;
I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name.
15 He will call upon me, and I will answer him;
I will be with him in trouble,
I will deliver him and honor him.
16 With long life will I satisfy him
and show him my salvation.”

This time my reaction was a bit different. I felt that I had to look online to find out what happened, to make this Marine a real person with a face and a name. So I turned to the Internet.

He was a 21-year-old Marine who was described as “selfless”, “made people laugh”, and “enjoyed life”. He had 300 days left in the Marine Corps.

I realize that searching for this information online will bring tears to my eyes, and make me sick to my stomach.  However, it allows me to pay my respects to the Marine and his family, and ensure they are not forgotten.