Dear Mom, I’m Bored.
By mike • Jun 26th, 2009 • Category: Combat Stress, Communication, Featured, Passing the Time, RelationshipsAside from being away from loved ones, deployments share a key common feature: their varied pace. Know throughout the military as operational tempo or simply “op tempo,” and defined as how busy any given person or unit is during their time deployed.
While everyone’s deployed jobs and experiences are different, the fact is that no matter how heavy or intense the workload is, there will be bouts of downtime which can lead to boredom. Some of these bouts can be short and others prolonged. And chances are you will receive increased e-mails or phone calls from your deployed loved one during these periods.
All of this needs to be taken into consideration when the service members come home and want to relax and essentially not do anything. It is easy to say “I don’t know why you came home and just want to sit around. The whole time you were deployed, all you did is write home and tell me how bored you were.”
Truthfully, when I was deployed I only told my wife what I felt she needed or wanted to hear. Not because I was hiding anything, but we do certain things and have certain responsibilities that our loved ones may not understand (or even agree with) and I didn’t want to worry anyone with them.
Sometimes (not all of the time) it is simpler to write home and say that I don’t have a whole lot going on and I am bored.
mike is is training for my 6th deployment. The hardest part of working up for a deployment is being away from home, training for long periods of time.
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I understand it is easier to write home and tell us you are bored, but what if we want to hear the truth…unless it is a violation of OPSEC of course.(is that the right way to word that? OPSEC is only on the Internet…confusing) lol
I think that sometimes, you guys may need to talk about what is going on with someone other than your buddies, and as the young wife of a deployed soldier, I beleive most married couples consider their spouse to be their best friend, and you guys should be able to share those things with us, so it will be easier for us to understand why you want to be lazy when you come home. Or just play video games, or just watch sports, or whatever it is you happen to like to do, when you have downtime.
I also notice that a lot of the things people enjoy doing in their downtime, is used get away from the real world. take Video games for example, especially when played in excess, it is like living in a fantasy world for a few hours. I am not saying there is anything wrong with it, unless it is done in excess, but I know that in your downtime overseas, these things are all you get to do, so why would you want to do it when you come home?
I am pretty sure I took this a lot farther than what your blog was about. but I am just trying to understand your mentality(hoping it will apply to my husband as well) This is our first deployment, but I have noticed him doing these things after long days at work…5am-5pm as I am sure you well know. So if you have any feed back for me that would be great:) luva_gal_18@yahoo.com
p.s. I happened on this by accident…googling things to do during husband’s deplyoyment
Tonia,
Check out my latest blog. I think it will answer some of your questions.
http://www.myheroesathome.com/blog/2009/11/communicate-what-you-want-to-know-during-deployment/
I would agree that we need to talk things out with someone other than our buddies, but sometimes the right person for that may not be a spouse. Jen said it best in her most recent blog, which if you haven’t checked out yet here is the link:
http://www.myheroesathome.com/blog/2009/11/communicate-what-you-want-to-know-during-deployment/
While I am deployed the things I don’t tell my wife or family aren’t typically because they violate OPSEC, but they are because I am protecting them from things that they don’t necessarily want or need to know. And it is true that we do get our fair share of downtime while we are gone, and can fill that time with watching sports or playing video games, and it is a great escape from the reality we are living in. But I cannot explain to you why your husband does that after a 12 hour work day, except that prior to a deployment, it could be to escape for a few hours and forget about the stuff he is dealing with at work and the looming departure date.
When I got back from my last deployment, I had little or no interest in anything that I did as a time filler while I was gone. I came home and there was a whole new variety of time fillers at my disposal, most of them revolving around my wife and dog. When I am at home, I typically do not have the same “hobbies” as when I am gone, mostly for the reasons I already stated, but also because they remind me of being gone, and I would rather focus on being home and enjoying that.
Just remember to keep the communication lines open with your husband, and through that you both will know how each other feels.
-Mike